To Ghost or not to Ghost?

The subject of Ghosting has always been close to my heart. Mostly because it’s happened to me before.

For those who are lucky enough to have never been ghosted, let’s let the internet’s wisest information centre – – break it down for you:

Disclaimer: Apparently there are heaps of different definitions of Ghosting. Some of them are gross. Search at your own peril.

Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

So, yeah. You’ve probably heard of this before. Or know someone it’s happened to. Or (and I’m kind of judging you here), you’ve ghosted someone else.

Give me the nice kind of Willow ghost any day.

Give me the nice kind of Willow ghost any day.

I’ve been ghosted, and it sucks. The most recent time was Perth Boy. After texting daily for six months, and exchanging a plethora of x-rated messages (and a couple of x-rated nights), I was ghosted on the same weekend that he finally came back to Melbourne. The ghosting also came with a side order of deletion from the only social media he had – Snapchat (classy, I know). Perth Boy should have said something: of course, he’s entitled to change his mind, but after six months of something between dating and relationship land, and planning to go on another date that very weekend, he owed me more than silence.

But how much do I owe someone else? Enter Richie*

*Richie’s not his real name, obvs. I feel like such a grown up, using aliases and all.
Richie and I met on Tinder (yes, you can laugh). He is lovely, and complimentary, and has no issue showing that he’s keen. Our interests are similar, he’s not unattractive, and he appears to have his shit together. All that’s missing is the spark. My spark.

We had two nice dates. He’s a nice kisser. We talked about nice things. He held my hand, which was nice. But I didn’t feel any passion, any spark. My brain (above or below the belt) never said YOU WANT THAT.

I just want someone that makes me feel the way Jeff Goldblum makes me feel.

I just want someone that makes me feel the way Jeff Goldblum makes me feel.

That’s when the temptation to ghost crept in. He asked if I wanted to go on date #3, and I knew that I didn’t. I also knew that I didn’t want to tell him that, because that also sucks a whole bunch. Call it rejectors remorse. I’ve been on the receiving end enough to know that I never want to make someone else feel that way.

But where do I go from here? Is it necessary, after two dates, to send someone the ‘I’m sorry, I’m not interested’ message? Or is ghosting a completely valid option when you haven’t even made it to three dates? (For all those opting to ghost, DO NOT add the person you’re dating on Facebook. Ghosting and posting don’t mix).

I ended up doing what all reasonable adults would do in my position: bent the truth to make myself sound busier than what I am (mature, I know). More than anything, I felt like I needed to buy time to figure out what my next move will be. I still don’t know what I’ll say if/when Richie follows up, but I know that I’ll have a whole lot of trouble sleeping at night if I become a ghoster.

…Wait, does this make me a Ghostbuster? Heck yeah!

2 thoughts on “To Ghost or not to Ghost?

  1. Funny post Emily-Rose! :)
    On a serious note though, call me old-fashioned or naïve, but I am a big adamant of being clear with people, even if there is the risk of hurting their feelings. I’d rather have someone telling me “I don’t think this would work, but thank you” than sending mixed-signals and slowly fading out. It’s obviously easier said than done, but I have my standard “Thank you for the evening, I think you are great but don’t see us working out”-message that gets sent out pretty regularly by now and no men ever responded aggressively to it! Good luck


  2. Pingback: Ahhh, rejection. We meet again. Or; what to do to feel instantly (sort of) better. | Emily-Rose

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