The subject of Ghosting has always been close to my heart. Mostly because it’s happened to me before.
For those who are lucky enough to have never been ghosted, let’s let the internet’s wisest information centre – urbandictionary.com – break it down for you:
Disclaimer: Apparently there are heaps of different definitions of Ghosting. Some of them are gross. Search at your own peril.
Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.
So, yeah. You’ve probably heard of this before. Or know someone it’s happened to. Or (and I’m kind of judging you here), you’ve ghosted someone else.
I’ve been ghosted, and it sucks. The most recent time was Perth Boy. After texting daily for six months, and exchanging a plethora of x-rated messages (and a couple of x-rated nights), I was ghosted on the same weekend that he finally came back to Melbourne. The ghosting also came with a side order of deletion from the only social media he had – Snapchat (classy, I know). Perth Boy should have said something: of course, he’s entitled to change his mind, but after six months of something between dating and relationship land, and planning to go on another date that very weekend, he owed me more than silence.
But how much do I owe someone else? Enter Richie*
We had two nice dates. He’s a nice kisser. We talked about nice things. He held my hand, which was nice. But I didn’t feel any passion, any spark. My brain (above or below the belt) never said YOU WANT THAT.
That’s when the temptation to ghost crept in. He asked if I wanted to go on date #3, and I knew that I didn’t. I also knew that I didn’t want to tell him that, because that also sucks a whole bunch. Call it rejectors remorse. I’ve been on the receiving end enough to know that I never want to make someone else feel that way.
But where do I go from here? Is it necessary, after two dates, to send someone the ‘I’m sorry, I’m not interested’ message? Or is ghosting a completely valid option when you haven’t even made it to three dates? (For all those opting to ghost, DO NOT add the person you’re dating on Facebook. Ghosting and posting don’t mix).
I ended up doing what all reasonable adults would do in my position: bent the truth to make myself sound busier than what I am (mature, I know). More than anything, I felt like I needed to buy time to figure out what my next move will be. I still don’t know what I’ll say if/when Richie follows up, but I know that I’ll have a whole lot of trouble sleeping at night if I become a ghoster.
…Wait, does this make me a Ghostbuster? Heck yeah!