Warning: this is being written in a heightened emotional state and may not make much sense but haters can leave because I need to process my feelings and I don’t even need to explain myself, really. So leave if you don’t want to join my pity party, K? If you stayed I love you and I need you and never leave me.
Prior to my self-imposed dating ban and mass deletion of all online romance generators, I came across a dashing young lad who asked me for drinks. Three dates and 12 days later, and I just received the dreaded rejection text:
Hey Emily, I had a great time the other night and you’re really smart and pretty, and a lovely girl, but I’m not feeling the spark I wanted to be feeling. Sorry.
I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH A REJECTION TEXT AND PASH RASH AT THE SAME TIME IT’S JUST NOT FAIR.
I also know what you may be thinking. And I acknowledge the irony of being the author of a lengthy post about Ghosting, and then still being unsatisfied when I get a perfectly reasonable and considerate rejection text. I won’t go into the specifics of why I just spent the past hour and a half crying in my bedroom. I liked him, I made myself vulnerable by showing it, I got rejected anyway. It sucks. My heart hurts. I know it could have been worse, but half of me is sad because I liked him, and half of me is sad because the hope is gone.
In response to the moderately crushing rejection I just got, here’s what I did to make me feel (sort of) better (kind of) straight away. Here’re some things you could do too:
1. Cry. Preferably alone. Preferably loudly. Preferably in a space where you won’t feel self conscious about crying over someone you hadn’t even met 12 days ago.
2. Invite everyone you know to a pity party. Tell your friends that you’re upset. Don’t be afraid to tell them that you don’t want an inspirational speech, or for them to tell you that everything will work out. You just want them to feel sad with you, for you.
3. Watch every single Ask Amy episode. Start crying again. Wish that Amy Poehler was there to give you a hug and offer situation-specific advice.
4. Construct an amicable response text that conveys your feelings without being overly angry or spiteful. Remember that all you can ask for now is to handle yourself with grace. Write and rewrite the message. Send it to your friends to proofread. BE HONEST. Wait an hour, then send it:
I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I appreciate that you’re being upfront. In the future, though, maybe mention that before you sleep with someone. I can’t help but feel crumby now, and knowing that would have let me know what I was in for before I made that choice. I hope everything with masters ends up well.
5. Go to your online happy places. Log out of Facebook. Say no to every little thought that you did something wrong. Fuck that noise.
6. Turn your phone off, or put it in on silent in a different room. Get rid of that thing.
7. Go wash your face with cold water. I don’t know why this works, but it does. Wash it again every time you start to cry. Don’t feel bad about starting to cry again.
8. Put moisturiser on that pash rash. If you don’t have pash rash, put on a face mask. Paint your nails in a colour that reflects your current mood, and then feel the catharsis when you take it off because you don’t feel that way anymore. Have a bath. Do something literally make yourself feel better. Keep feeling sorry for yourself.
9. Write a blog post. If you don’t have a blog, write a journal entry, or a letter to yourself. Don’t feel at all guilty if you tear it up straight away because reading past journal entries are mortifyingly embarrassing.
10. Take as much time as you need to absolutely feel sorry for yourself. Don’t drink or take drugs. Force yourself to feel the emotions. Be a glutton for punishment.
On a scale of 1 to all better, I’m currently sitting at about a 3, so I’m not at all claiming that you’ll be out of the woods in 10 easy steps. I’m also a very big fan of wallowing in the depths of self pity until that becomes exhausting (because it undoubtably will), and I’m not even close to being done with that. The waterworks almost started again, and all because I saw a couple of (kind of terrible) people making out on Big Brother. Emotions are here. Hopefully we’ll have some good news to report soon. If not, feel free to share your best worst rejection stories. I promise I’ll come to your pity party with bells on.
Send me love,